Well, one way to keep my wordpress up and running is the jotting down of stream of consciousness on wordpress, in lieu of plurk. After all, I am very much anonymous on this blog as I am on plurk. Besides, there is no annoying going overboard with the word limit and thus further typing of streams of consciousness in the comment boxes. So here I am. I hope this goes on. No promises made. Somehow I have a problem with keeping promises I made to myself. Very disappointing. So, who cares if I have more than perhaps 10 blog posts a day?! It’s my blog! M.I.N.E

I realised my constant writing companion throughout most of year is plurk. Never mind the fickle-minded, immature rants. Never mind the ridiculous, embarrassing and emotional purging on cyber world. Somehow, they never bug me that they are accessible to the public on the internet. Somehow, the emotional jotting down of statements throughout fleeting moments of my life, that streams of consciousness that dots incidents, emotional outbreaks, turning points, intersections in my life never bug me as to how they streak across a sophisticatedly designed line. And when it comes to journal entries and blogs, looking back on what I have written, I have this unexplainable urge to erase and start over. Why? Indeed. It’s puzzling. Even to me.

I feel like erasing this entire blog and start all over again. What is this irritating nagging feeling that is bugging me? I wish for a blog of font size 10, perhaps 9 of Calibri. Something small that speaks volume. I don’t know. I guess I have a slight obsessive compulsive disorder about how my texts should appear on the computer screen.

Glimpse

I’ve read a book, with something along the lines that our memories are not built on time. We remember moments, but we often forget the time of the occurrence, definitely vaguely remember the date, the more mechanical definition of time. It’s the epiphanies and the lessons we learn from past occurrences — and as time passes and after we have dwelt on the rationality of things, analysed them, detached from being blinded by emotions and disturbances (e.g. influences & pressures from the outside world) — that we remember, that shape us the way we are today, that influence our philosophies that we currently hold dearly when approaching life and situations.

Growing to be more mature definitely does involve in changing of life’s priorities, but some people prefer staying stagnant and ignorant, while some other people would prefer to push themselves beyond their boundaries to change, to seek and to grow. Perhaps, desperately.

One might be unhappy about their lives (or maybe staying in a seemingly comfortable niche ignorantly, and have no say in whatever life at throws them, accept the bitter pill and just comply) and live a life without passion.

But some might be incredibly upset about life’s situation, but seek to improve, and are determined to change and grow, to learn and approach new life philosophies. Often times, they might surprise many with their adroitness to change from extremes to extremes.

I think I am coming to the stage of learning to unlearn (you know “in order to learn, you have to first unlearn”) and seek a balance.

All in all, I believe the improvement and changes of one’s personalities, philosophies and perhaps characters, depend strongly on how focus and clear-headed one is on life’s goals and heart’s desires; on whether you ask yourself, what do I really want? And then, meditating on your heart’s desires, and goes about approaching life in order to achieve those desires, dreams and goals.

And it’s all good going through troughs, and to have realised that you had made mistakes, focused on the incorrect list of life’s priorities, or perhaps the incorrect order of it, because we learn through life experiences and past mistakes — epiphanies and valuable lessons drawn from them :)

Well, everyone has a different purpose in life, a different agenda, a different life journey one is to travel. It’s not the destination that is of importance, but it’s the journey one should treasure. From the troughs to the peaks, the highs and the lows – those times when I trudge through insufferable moments in my life, they impresses me of my ability to haul myself through hardship; those beautiful revelations; those wonderful moments spent with another, well treasured and kept in the past, because it’ll just be déjà vu, but never the same. As much as you are moving on, the others are too!

However, we have to remember that, we can do our best to improve all areas of our lives, but with those not within our control, we’ll have to leave up to God perhaps, or a higher being (depending on your religious beliefs) because things happen for a reason; and until the end of it all, when all pieces of life’s puzzles fall into place and you see the big picture, walking away with an epiphany, that’s rewarding. :)

“And it came to me then. That we were wonderful travelling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.” — Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know – Ernest Hemingway.

So perhaps, being ignorant will allow us to attain happiness easier?

Ramblings

It is in losing you that words had found its way to me. (: I shall write you a letter one fine day. Just because I want to. I know you wouldn’t read it, but it doesn’t bother me. I just want to.

*

Exams frenzies. I know I should not be doing this right now at this instant. I swear I have never been this lazy in my entire uni career. ):

But on a lighter note, I find entertainment in the quirky conversations over msn, or facebook, or plurk, or twitter…or even speaking to someone in person for goodness sake!

So, anyways, this happened over msn…

Me: I am going to fail my exams. I haven’t been studying.

C: Then what have you been doing?

Me: Eat. Sleep. Eat. Sleep. Like a pig.

C: Lol. Can I kiss you?

Me: No. You cannot. Swine flu.

C: Huh? But I am not down with swine flu.

Me: Yea. I know. But I am a pig.

C: lol.

Oh, I can so sense his wtfness, but maybe I did cheer him up a little? Come on, give me some credit for that!

Well, hm, just blame it on the exams. Yeah. Blame it on the exams.

Now. HIT THE BLOODY BOOKS! & not to forget, FOCUS & CONCENTRATE! Jeez…

Peek-a-boo. I see you!

Boiled water. Tea.

Two thermo flasks sitting on the kitchen bench.

Lids off. It’s cooling off time!

Puff, puff, puff.

Swirl, swirl, swirl.

The swirling of hot rising steam.

Rise, rise and then dissapear into thin air.

It’s a wonder. Its unique smoke-like nature.

White. Formless. Its beauty, unattainable, unnoticed almost.

*Wink*  But I caught a glimpse of you! :)

Reversible?

I’ve gone so far. It is reversible, definitely. It’s possible, but it’s just how long it’s going to take. The reflection staring back at me, just disgusts me. So much. Maybe I should be looking at that reflection, most of the time during the day, because it might help speed up the reverse process. Maybe I’m just lucky — despite the frustration and annoyance of the long way to go with the undoing process —because at least, this is reversible. There are so many other things that aren’t, but they certainly do make a mark in our lives.

Perhaps it is regret, perhaps it’s just how it’s meant to be, but perhaps it’s just another scar gained as we journey through life.  But as much as it was beautiful, and heartbreaking, that now the beauty is gone and disappeared; no turning back compels one to move along and make the best out of life; and the treasured memories will be one of the remarkable, unattainable beauties in life. If ever, it’s just going to be déjà vu, never ever the same with how things were.

And when you look back and reflect, and revise the beautiful imprints of these intersections, you break a bittersweet smile. So sweetly beautiful, yet it breaks your heart — that it will only be etched in your memory forever, never ever to happen again. It always occurs to me that the melancholies outweigh the delights. Do you ever wonder whether we will intersect again? If ever, do you realise the next intersection will never ever be the same again?

Ah, life. As much as we shove these bittersweet memories into the dark corners of our minds, and then fill up the active spaces with new memories; once a while, unconsciously, we take them out, and revise them over. It’s our unconscious minds reminding our conscious minds that we miss those glorious moments.

And so, I am grateful for my loved ones. At least they love me, maybe not completely for whom I am, but at least they are the ones who really care for me and who will be there for me when I need them. With all of our interactions right now, I’ll be grateful for them and I’ll treasure them with all my heart.

To many more interactions and intersections to come

Love always, xoxo, missshin

On constitutional law…

My constitutional law tutor wants to wear a shirt with political messages on it when she goes and vote for a federal election, or even a state election; and if she is forced to leave, and got a fine because she could not vote, she’ll challenge constitutional law on the basis of implied rights, on implied freedom of political communication.

Nice. :) Now, we’ll just have to wait for her to get her citizenship. Just in case, u’kno, so she won’t get deported, because she’ll be a citizen already.

Tagged…

Got tagged on Facebook…

Can you fill this out without lying?

I will try my hardest not to (:

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?

Water

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?

Erm…erm…Don’t think so. Oh wait! Actually… *pondering* Haha. Joking. No.

Where was your default picture taken?

In my room

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20?

I think it was Sarah A? Haha (:

Can you play guitar hero?

Nope

Name someone that made you laugh today?

Li Mei Bang (: or Ri Bangu Mei? LOL

How late did you stay up last night and why?

4.00am. P-r-o-c-r-a-s-t-i-n-a-t-i-n-g :S

If you could move somewhere else, would you?

New York City (:

Ever been kissed under fireworks?

Erm, dun think so. But I have always dreamt of being kissed under fireworks (:

Which of your friends lives closest to you?

Alvin?

Do you believe ex’s can be friends?

Yes I do, but unfortunately my ex does not.

Calling or texting?

Depends on who it is, what network that person is using and how desperate I am in reaching that person.

How do u feel about Dr pepper?

Dr Pepper who?

When was the last time you cried really hard?

Last time cried: Technically, it was last Monday when I was reading the ending of The Book Thief in the Law Library. Baadd idea. I didn’t want anyone to know I was crying. I took several breaks, went back to read the book and cried, again & again. :S I swear if I had read it at home, I would be bawling over it. Awesome book. (:

But last time crying really hard: Not long ago – unexplainable emotional surge. A good cry helps a lot. At least for me (:

Where is your biological father right now?

Malaysia, KL

Where are you right now?

In my bed

What bed did you sleep in last night?

In my bed

What was the last thing someone bought for you?

My sister bought me 2 boxes of Special K. Hah

Who took your profile picture?

Myself (:

Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Hm. Myself? :P

Was yesterday better than today?

Erm. Work wise, no! Didn’t get much done. But in general, yesterday was gooood (:

Can you live a day without TV?

“Abso-fking-lutely” Mr Big (:

Are you mad about anything?

Yes. Fuming! About a lot of things about myself! ):

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?

Yes, when it’s the right one (: Oh come on, don’t be cynical. Have hope and faith and believe in love! True love that is (:

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

Erm, now? About myself ):

Are you a bad influence?

I reckon I can be if I want to ;)

Night out or night in?

Night outs!!! I’ve been in hiding for a while now ):

What items could you not go without during the day?

Water?

Would you share a drink with a stranger

Depends who. If I like that person, yeah, I wouldn’t mind. (:

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

Erm. When was the last time I even went to the hospital?

What does the last text message in your inbox say?

J telling me he hasn’t shaved in closed to 2 weeks. rofl :P

How do you feel about your life right now?

Not good. I am a total disappointment & I’ve seem to make a lot of mistakes recently without realising, mainly because I am still discovering myself, and so I often contradict myself ,& my head does not sync with my heart, & my actions does not justify what I tell myself I should do, & I put myself in dilemmas. But I’ve been pretty luckless lately as well. sigh. ):

Do you hate anyone?

Nope.  I wouldn’t want to burden myself with hating someone else (:

If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find?

Events messages & a few threads from close friends (:

Can you easily tell if someone’s fake?

Yeap! I have got good instincts, but I’m not a judgmental person & it’ll take me a while to confirm my opinions about someone (:

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?

Hell yea! Future lawyer! Never did. Never will. Spanking clean.

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?

Yeap, I reckon it was either they are trying very hard to please me so as to rip some benefits off me, or take advantage of me, or trying to get into my pants.

What song is stuck in your head?

Yiruma’s Dream a little dream of me

Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be?

Erm…my chuck bass? Haha.

Wanna have kids before you’re 30?

Erm. Kids? Maybe? I think so. :S

Name something you have to do tomorrow?

S-T-U-D-Y! Very hard!!!

Can you whistle?

Not really

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?

Side

Do you think too much or too little?

Way too much? Haha. It’s good though. I am not a simplified creature (:

Do you smile a lot?

Yeap!

Who was your last missed call on your Mobile phone?

Andy Le (: See you sat (:

When’s the next time you will see the person you like?

When I’ve successfully lose 10kgs? Lol

Are you happy with your life?

Nope. I reckon things can be way better, but I am trying to live the best out of it. What goes up must come down. It’s downtime. I am pretty sure it’ll soar one day (:

Can you handle the truth?

Yeap! Think so. Most of the time ignorance is not bliss.

What was the last book you read?

The last book I was kinda scanning through is my constitutional law text book :S

The last novel I completed reading is The Book Thief from Markus Zusak. Awesome read (:

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

Nope.

Is there something you always wear?

Underwear? Clothes? Haha. Make up when I am out? Haha.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

This quiz. Lol

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?

My babes. They r the most awesome babes ever! I <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 u babes. muax! xoxoxoxo (:

Did you have an exciting last weekend?

nnnoooo. staying cooped up in the library is exciting? noooo…in fact Sunday was pretty depressing until I meet my babes. (:

Have you ever crawled through a window?

Erm. Not sure. I never grew up being real adventurous. Think so

Are you wearing a necklace?

No. No jewellery

Are you an emotional person?

Erm. I think so. Especially this year. haha

What’s something that can always make you feel better?

Lost 10 kilos! :D n maintain that weight! n just being healthy with good complexion and beaming with radiance :)

Will this weekend be a good one:

*fingers crossed* it will be an awesome one & I am able to get done A LOT A LOT of work!!!

What do you want right now?

Lose 10 kilos!!!! NOW!!! FINISHED ALL MY WORK NOW!!! oh actually, FINISHED ALL MY EXAMS NOW!!! better complexion! of course, HHEEAAPPPSSS of money NOW!! so I can go shop shop shop shop!

omg. in my dreams man ):

Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?

Duh…

Look behind you, what do you see?

I didn’t turn around to look, cbf

Have you ever worked in a food place?

Yeeaapp

What would you name your future daughter?

Rose, Peony… (:

Any summer plans for 2009?

Summer course; THE BEACH!Tanning; Friends friends friends (:

Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?

S-T-U-D-Y!!!! Eat less & lose weight!!!

Does anyone know your facebook password?

Not that I know of (:

***

It’s already 3.49am :S

Sleep time. Nite world (:

Facebook Wall

When exams are near & most people are in hiding, we find pleasure in Facebook walling (: Well, at least for me. hah

***

JL:

did you actually read the sandman series?

Me:

no i didnt ): did u? perhaps u can lend them to me :P

JL:

oh haha. ive read most of them, its a massive graphic novel series…seriously life changing shit lol. i dont own any of them, perhaps you would like to ask your chuck to buy them for me :)

Me:

im sure u would have known that my imaginary chuck bass is a very generous man, and he would have bought u the sandman series if only u ask him politely. but sorry dude. he only lives is in my imagination. (:

as for me, i’d prefer buying my own books, the only thing is, i need a job first. lol

JL:

haha im sure he is. or why would you go out with him? lmao.

if you have no job, where do the LV wallets come from (::)

Me commented:

LOL. go out with who? my imaginary chuck bass?

yea. i just went on a date with my imaginary chuck bass. it was awesome. i went on his private jet :)

Me:

LOL. sif i get a man for his money! my chuck bass is way more than that! those luxuries are just a plus. not the main reason. jeeezzz.

n for ur information, i do not own any LV wallets ;)

JL:

haha i came to the conclusion with a friend that its not the money you fall in love with, but the lifestyle that money can afford you.

im sure i saw a photo of you flaunting one.. earlier. (::)

Me:

oh dear. so not true. then i’ll lose the ecstatic sense of my own achievement! n i’ll instead live a lowly life of dependence on a man. jeez. eww. totally not a life that i idealise.

p/s: wat makes u think that it’s mine? (:

JL:

haha. so go out with a beggar. you crazy though, i wouldnt mind living a “lowly life of dependence” on a woman. being a house husband is where its at.

and…because you’re holding it?

Me:

Hm. u totally miss the point. my desire not to live a lowly life of dependence does not equate to the fact that I wish to date someone who is financially less fortunate. I would prefer a man who is ambitious & would strive to achieve their goals in life (:

just because I was holding it, does not mean I own it. True enough I had some sort of property right over it, because I was in possession of it; unfortunately, I’m not rich enough to have the same amount of proprietary interest over the LV case holder as the true owner.

p/s: lawyered! (:

***

Hm. The satisfaction of lawyering. I just hope I don’t fail property law, which I think most likely I will be ):

Help! I hope exams never exist ):